"grace comes in different shapes and sizes, even the messy ones"

Thursday, May 22, 2014

first trimester don'ts

This picture was taken the week I found out I was pregnant.  I was 6 week along, and had no idea the following week all of the typical first trimester symptoms would hit all at once.  There were many days (okay, everyday) where I wondered how I would survive those first 12-13 weeks. As if the reality that I now had a child growing inside of me isn't enough to take in, people's constant advice, questions, and assumptions just about did me in.  I appreciate the thought, but there are some things you just should NEVER say to a woman in her first trimester.  So, based on my own experiences, here's my list of 

The Top 10 Things to Never Say to a Woman During the First Trimester: 

1. "How are you feeling?" --- well, to be honest, this is probably the worst I've ever felt in my entire life, I'm beyond exhausted, hungry all the time, yet nauseated at the thought of food, have the worst headaches every. single. day. that tylenol doesn't even begin to touch, and feel like a completely different person than I was a few short weeks ago.  So yeah, I feel great! 

2. "Don't you just LOVE being pregnant??"--- refer to number 1, and ask me that later down the road. Like maybe after the baby is here, and I actually have something to show for all this sickness. 

3. "When I had morning sickness, I ate...." --- fill in the blank with ALL of the thousands of "cures" for morning sickness. I truly do appreciate advice on how to curb morning sickness, but when you tell me you ate beef jerky, pickles, and sausage biscuits from Mcdonalds, I'm more sick now than I was when we started this conversation.  In fact, let's just keep food out of the conversation at all times. 

4. "Can you feel the baby moving??" --- Sometimes, I just want to look at this person and ask if they remember being pregnant at all.  My baby is currently the size of a blueberry.  Of course I can't feel it moving.  And asking me that every time you see me does, in fact, get old. 

5. "When I was pregnant, I knew 100% that I was having a boy/girl" --- Oh great. I'm already a bad mom because I don't know if my baby is a boy or girl. (I secretly think that no one really knows, they just like to say that.) 

6. "What sounds good for dinner next week?" --- I can promise you that what sounds good for dinner today will not be what sounds good for dinner next week... much less what sounds good within the next hour. I'll have to get back with you probably 30 minutes before the planned dinner to tell you what truly sounds good. Sorry for the inconvenience... blame the baby. 

7. "Here smell this candle, perfume, or any other heavily scented item" --- I cannot describe to you how sensitive my sense of smell is these days.  I also had no idea how closely related my sense of smell and my gag reflexes were until I became pregnant.  I'll refrain from smelling anything, until further notice. 

8. "Just wait" --- "just wait until you're 38 weeks pregnant", "just wait until you're baby isn't sleeping through the night", "just wait until you're baby is 2", "just wait until you're potty training", etc.  All of the above statements with negative connotations attached.  I'm sorry, but if parenting for you has really been that horrible, then keep it to yourself please.  I am actually excited about the adventures to come, and if I'm being naive then just let me live and learn.  I don't want to hear about all the horror that is to come.  I would rather be clueless and have my dreams crushed, or who knows.. maybe I'll actually enjoy being a parent. 

9. "Get all your sleep now, when you can still sleep good!" --- Okay, I can't remember the last time I slept good.  I believe God makes pregnancy sleep so horrible to have women slowly adjust to life with no sleep before the baby gets here.  Sleeping while pregnant, since about week 10, has been anything but comfortable.  I wake up at least twice to use the bathroom, about three times to get a drink of water suffering from the worst cotton mouth I've ever experienced, and more time than I can count to try a different position to get comfortable.  Good sleep, i'm afraid, is a thing of the past. 

And to save the best for last...

10. "I was sick ALL NINE MONTHS when I was pregnant." --- this is probably the most dis-heartening news you could tell a person who already feels like they won't make through the day, let alone the next nine months. All negative comments should be left unsaid.  At this point, I need encouragement, and lots of it.  

So there you have it.  I wanted to write this list so that I can remember things to never say to a first trimester mommy.  I am so happy to announce that right around week 11, these symptoms slowly started to vanish, and I finally began feeling somewhat normal again. I know this little baby is totally worth all of this discomfort, but sometimes it is hard to remember that in the moment.  Pregnancy hasn't been super enjoyable for me, but my family and my husband have been the best supporters and walked with me through that first trimester.  I couldn't have done it without them! 

The best advice out there is to listen to your body, and do what your body tells you to do.  Sleep when you're tired, eat when you're hungry, cry when you want to cry, and so forth and so on.  You are growing a little human being, and that is no small task! 

Here is my 12 week baby bump.
I love you Baby Davis! Can't wait to meet you, kiss those sweet cheeks, and forget all about those sickly 12 weeks! :)

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